But I Have to Yell to Be Heard
Do you find yourself yelling sometimes just to be heard? Does the yelling frustrate you but you feel there’s no other way? We find that parents often yell when they don’t have a plan. Some parents don’t know how to fix a problem with their kids so they become louder, thinking that the intensity created through yelling will have some kind of positive effect. It doesn’t work.
Motivating with harshness can keep children in line or get them to accomplish a task, but that method damages family relationships. In Jeremiah 10:24, Jeremiah prays, “Correct me, Lord, but only with justice—not in your anger, lest you reduce me to nothing.” In the end, it is closeness that provides parents with teachable moments and the relaxed enjoyment of family life. Yelling and harshness discourage trust, essential to help young people learn valuable principles about life.
You might be saying, “Wait a minute! My kids won’t obey unless I get angry.” If that’s true, then maybe you’ve trained your children to respond to your anger as a signal that it’s time to obey. Kids are smart. They know they can wait until the last minute before responding. They’ve figured out how many warnings you’ll give and they recognize the tone of voice that says you’re ready to deliver a consequence.
One solution is to teach children to respond to a different cue. If yelling is the sign that you mean business, then change the cue to a more constructive signal. If you teach your kids that you’ll back up your words sooner, without anger, then your dependency on anger to get things done will decrease.
Have you developed alternatives to anger to motivate children to cooperate or obey? Share what works for you on the blog Biblical Parenting.
Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids!
This parenting tip comes from the book “Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character” by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN,BSN.
Product Description
Parents often feel angry when their children do the wrong things. But responding to children in anger rarely brings about the desired result and can even have a damaging effect instead. Yet anger doesn’t have to be the enemy. It can be a trigger that makes parents even more effective. Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller show them how.
Recognizing the very real emotions parents feel, Good and Angry taps into the constructive side of parents’ anger and teaches welcome strategies for addressing the things their children do to drive them crazy. Addressing common problem areas for children–such as annoying behavior, lying, not following instructions, and bad attitudes–this book outlines seven routines that will help children improve in these areas and allow them to thrive in their relationship with parents and with others.
In Good and Angry, moms and dads will come to understand anger’s true purpose and how they can use it successfully in their day-to-day parenting. They will also learn new approaches that will solve many common problems and, in the process, help both them and their children grow closer to God.
